This is an absolute gem!

•November 9, 2007 • 1 Comment

I got this forward n am still RONFL

Southern Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren’t
prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called
his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”

She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve
known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think
you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?”

She again replied, “Why, yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a
drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a
very quiet voice, said, “If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.”

The real Truth….

•November 9, 2007 • 3 Comments

 

I feared my destiny, Until I realized that I had the power to change My life.

I feared hate, until I saw that it as nothing more than Ignorance.

I feared love, Until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.

I feared ridicule, Until I learned how to laugh at myself.

I feared growing old, Until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.

I feared the future, Until I realized that Life just kept getting Better.

I feared the past, Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.

I feared the dark, Until I saw the beauty 0f the starlight.

I feared the light, Until I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.

I feared change, Until I saw that Even the most beautiful butterfly Had to undergo a metamorphosis Before it could fly.

Who Knew – Pink

•September 6, 2007 • 5 Comments

You took my hand, You showed me how
You promised me you’d be around
Uh huh
That’s right, I took your words
And I believed, In everything
You said to me, Yeah huh
That’s right

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong, I know better
Cause you said forever, And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no, No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I’d give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
‘fore they’re long gone, I guess I just didn’t know how
I was all wrong, They knew better
Still you said forever, And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I’ll keep you locked in my head, Until we meet again
Until we, Until we meet again
And I won’t forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You’d be long gone
I’d stand up and punch them out
Cause they’re all wrong and
That last kiss, I’ll cherish
Until we meet again. And time makes
It harder, I wish I could remember
But I keep Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling,

 

 

James Blunt – Goodbye My Lover

•May 12, 2007 • 1 Comment

Dedicated to you….

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.


Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

 

Just For Laughs…

•April 4, 2007 • 4 Comments

Little Michael was impressed by the Rolex watch his classmate was wearing and he asked him how he got the money to purchase it. The boy replied, “Simple, I look my dad in the eye and said, “I know everything there is to know about you and my dad gave me five hundred bucks to keep my mouth shut. It’s just that simple.” When the boy got home he looked his mother in the eye and said, “I know everything there is to know about you.” His mother gasped and said, “I’ll give you a hundred bucks to keep your mouth shut.” The boy thought, “ this too easy to be true.” When his father reached home and got out of the car the boy said, “I know every thing there is to know about you.” His father took him in the garage and said; “Here is five hundred bucks if you will keep your mouth shut.” The next morning as the boy was leaving for school the postman was walking up to the house. The boy looked him in the eyes and said, “I know everything there is to know about you. The postman knelt down as said, “At last, come here son and give your father a kiss.”

Happy Festive Season..

•December 14, 2006 • 7 Comments


The Hols are finally here again..I can’t believe it! Just recently it was ’05′ & now we are headed ’07′. Uh! How time flies.. Jeez! We are getting old..but luckly wiser! :-) Anyway who cares? The party has just become…Office parties, End of year parties..Et Cetera..
Am hoping I won’t be indulging this time round..Coz Jan will still arrive & My bills will still be there..u know what I mean.
Anyway, just the old advice: Don’t Drunk Drive.. Happy Hols guys…Make the best of it…

N/B
06′ is finaly over! & what ayear..Anyway It’s time to let go off everything..Da memories… da pain, etc & embrace ourselves for a hopefully more fulfilling 07′.
I thank God..It happened…..

CHEATING PART 2!

•November 10, 2006 • 13 Comments

I got this forward in my mailbox & thought I should share with you!!………………………

Brax was having an affair with the woman, Sophie, from next door. One Friday morning he lies to his wife he is going to Mombasa for a seminar. He packs his laptop and bags and tells his wife she won’t find him when she comes back from work, and slinks next door to Sophie’s house.
It’s now the following morning, Saturday, and he’s smiling after a lovely Night with Sophie. Wearing his gown, he goes to the bathroom and, to his surprise, through the window he sees a man walking around his house wearing the other gown he left at home.
He screams: “Hey, you Bastard! Wat are you doing in my house?” The man shouts back: “The man of this house is in Mombasa as we speak. I am entertaining his wife so fuck off!” Brax shouts: “You will be in shit when I come back from Mombasa, I tell you!”
Does this sound familiar?

 
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